Tag Archives: BABY#1

One Month : Coco Darling

Today, one month after our Coco Darling’s birth I wanted to share a little with you. To share the little corner we made for our girl and to remember her. Below is a post that I wrote the day before we lost Coco, I sat at my computer writing and daydreaming about meeting my girl. And although I may not have seen her eyes open, I saw her, I met her, I felt her. I will never forget those moments. I will never forget that button nose. She was so beautiful and I fell even more in love  than I already was.

One month on dear est Coco Darling. 

And there isn’t a day that goes by without thinking about you, missing you and crying for you our girl. I still go to pat my tummy expecting you to be there. I have dreams that you are here still and that I can hold you again. I literally ache to hold you Coco. But your papa and I are okay, every day has its challenges  and some days the sun comes out , we smile and we talk about you. We love talking about you little one. 

Today we will plant a tree for you ( Thanks Jean and Dave ) we will vist your grave, we will look at photos of you, we will write letters to you, talk to you, smile again and cry again. We will miss you and we will be thankful for you. We love you so Coco Darling. Always will.

Your Mama and Papa x


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( Written on the 27th of May 2014, the day before Coco Darling passed away )

Our Coco Darling is due any day now, and boy oh boy are there some mixed emotions. Excitement of meeting our girl, Of physically getting to hold her. But then the next second feeling the devastation and fear that we are so close to possibly losing her, that these could be our last days with Coco.

So we have made a cosy little corner for our babe. A place for her in the chance she will come home with us, even for a night.  There is a lot of love in Coco’s Corner,  gifts made and given from near and far, from family, from friends, and from people whom we have never met. We have once again been overwhemled by the kindness, generosity and love shown to us and to our Coco Darling, we thank you.

It has been somewhat of a therapeutic process for me to make things for my wee babe. At first it was pretty hard to face. It felt as though I would be putting more of my heart out there to be broken. That every time I made anything that it would gut me to the core. And although, in some ways it did (  a loooot of tears were shed in the making )  I started to realise that it wasn’t going to hurt any less if we didn’t make her anything, It wasn’t going to stop the sadness if we didnt create a special place for Coco Darling.  Just because she may not be around as long as other children we hope to have, doesn’t mean she should get anything less.

Every day is a battle between hope and reality. Every moment. But when we lie in bed and look over at her corner, when we feel her kick and wriggle what else can we do but hope?

So with my nesting in full swing, a freezer full of meals, a little nest ready for this baby bird and bags packed, we wait. It’s up to you now Coco Darling, we have made it this far babe, let’s have a little longer, we can’t wait to meet you.

Until next time,BlackbirdBLOG signature

HIM&HER // five

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Five years on, He is still the best person I know. I am beyond glad to have this guy by my side.  He is the greatest.

We took a little adventure around the roads of Central Hawkes Bay and the Manawatu region. Stopping by every  Op Shop, Curios and Second Hand dealer we could find. The sun shone and the ginger ale flowed. It was our kind of holiday. Maybe more so if I could’ve swapped some ginger ale for Naths cider, but I am not complaining…much.

In other news, the final countdown in commencing, with but THREE WEEKS until we hope to meet our Coco Darling . So it is battle stations here. Just casually setting up her little corner, washing clothes, making freezer meals and generally nesting up a very big storm.

More on that next time.

Until then.


Coco Darling

Those of you who having followed the blog, my facebook or instagram know that we are expecting our first baby this june. But we thought we would introduce her early. Her, that’s right, we are having a girl.
Meet our Coco Darling.
We did not intend to share the sex of our baby just yet, and definitely not the name. But things have changed and we want to share her with you before her ‘arrival’. But let me go back to explain why.

Four weeks ago, at our 20week anatomy scan a few warning bells were raised. She was in the 2nd percentile for size, and the 10th for length, Coco is a very little baby. As they looked closer, they found out more.We were sent to the Fetal medicine ward at Auckland Hospital where they did a more in-depth scan, and we heard the first on Trisomy 18. They performed an amniocentesis, and we waited for the results. They came back 100%, Coco had Trisomy 18. We were heart broken to say the least.

 Trisomy 18 is a rare genetic disorder that is quoted as being ” incompatible with life ” One in 6,000 babes have Trisomy 18, Not many make it full term, and even then, most are still born. Most only live hours or days, only around 8% make it to their first birthday.
I have spent the last few weeks debating with myself to share or not to share. To be honest, I did not really want to share this. I didn’t want to talk about it. It hurt too much. But the other day something switched. Despite the statistics and pain, we love our Coco Darling more than I ever thought I could love someone. She is our daughter, we are so thankful she is in our lives. She is a fighter. And we want to pour as much love on her for as long as we have her. We pray for a miracle, but we are thankful for who she is regardless. We thank God for Coco daily. We are thankful for our dear friends, for the meals, for the prayers and texts and flowers. The hardest part isn’t over, we still need your help and your prayers. I may not want to talk about it, and somedays I might. I will have good days and Bad. But we will always want you to think, to love and to pray for our Coco Darling. 


Gem, Nathan and Coco Darling.

RAGS // 20weeks

 Dress I made // Kimono I made // Necklace was a gift // Ring from Bahagia Store // REDD by MAC on my lips.

I cannot quite believe we are at 20 weeks.

Somedays I feel like I just found out I was pregnant, and others feel like I have been pregnant F.O.R.E.V.E.R ( Usually the days that I could go for a drink )

I sometimes catch myself in the mirror and have to take a second look. Yes, Yes that is me with the giant belly. I am also learning to embrace dresses. I hardly ever wore dresses before the bump. I was an oversized tee and jeans girl, But now that makes me look like a mammoth.

Either way, we are 20weeks, and it is amazing.

What do you think?

Until next time.

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