One Month : Coco Darling

30.06.14

Today, one month after our Coco Darling’s birth I wanted to share a little with you. To share the little corner we made for our girl and to remember her. Below is a post that I wrote the day before we lost Coco, I sat at my computer writing and daydreaming about meeting my girl. And although I may not have seen her eyes open, I saw her, I met her, I felt her. I will never forget those moments. I will never forget that button nose. She was so beautiful and I fell even more in love than I already was.

One month on dear est Coco Darling.

And there isn’t a day that goes by without thinking about you, missing you and crying for you our girl. I still go to pat my tummy expecting you to be there. I have dreams that you are here still and that I can hold you again. I literally ache to hold you Coco. But your papa and I are okay, every day has its challenges and some days the sun comes out , we smile and we talk about you. We love talking about you little one.

Today we will plant a tree for you ( Thanks Jean and Dave ) we will vist your grave, we will look at photos of you, we will write letters to you, talk to you, smile again and cry again. We will miss you and we will be thankful for you. We love you so Coco Darling. Always will.

Your Mama and Papa x

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( Written on the 27th of May 2014, the day before Coco Darling passed away )

Our Coco Darling is due any day now, and boy oh boy are there some mixed emotions. Excitement of meeting our girl, Of physically getting to hold her. But then the next second feeling the devastation and fear that we are so close to possibly losing her, that these could be our last days with Coco.

So we have made a cosy little corner for our babe. A place for her in the chance she will come home with us, even for a night. There is a lot of love in Coco’s Corner, gifts made and given from near and far, from family, from friends, and from people whom we have never met. We have once again been overwhemled by the kindness, generosity and love shown to us and to our Coco Darling, we thank you.

It has been somewhat of a therapeutic process for me to make things for my wee babe. At first it was pretty hard to face. It felt as though I would be putting more of my heart out there to be broken. That every time I made anything that it would gut me to the core. And although, in some ways it did ( a loooot of tears were shed in the making ) I started to realise that it wasn’t going to hurt any less if we didn’t make her anything, It wasn’t going to stop the sadness if we didnt create a special place for Coco Darling. Just because she may not be around as long as other children we hope to have, doesn’t mean she should get anything less.

Every day is a battle between hope and reality. Every moment. But when we lie in bed and look over at her corner, when we feel her kick and wriggle what else can we do but hope?

So with my nesting in full swing, a freezer full of meals, a little nest ready for this baby bird and bags packed, we wait. It’s up to you now Coco Darling, we have made it this far babe, let’s have a little longer, we can’t wait to meet you.

Until next time,

Coco Darling

27.05.14

CocoDarling

I have known I would have to write this post one day, but I didn’t think it would be now. I have thought about what I might feel like, and what I might write, but I still have no idea. There are no words.

Yesterday we heard the last few heartbeats of our wee babe, and then our girl was still. There were no heartbeats, there were no movements and she had gone. 39 weeks and 2days, so close baby girl. We had hoped against all odds that we would get to meet you, for your eyes to open and look into ours. But we are so thankful for the weeks we had with you, we met you in a different way. And we will still hold you, love you and you will always be our first born, our daughter, our Coco Darling.

Thank you everyone who emailed, texted, sent gifts and love to us and our Coco Darling, we are so overwhelmed and so grateful.

We still need your prayers. There is still a labour, a birth and a burial to go through. From there we are taking the time we need as a family, to heal, to grieve and to recover.

We will be back when we are ready.

Until next time, BlackbirdBLOG signature

MAKE IT // brass curtain tie back

22.05.14

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The master bedroom is getting there, and one of the last things I wanted to do was to make some sheer curtains, to add privacy and to give it all an extra lux feel. Who doesn’t love a little glamour in the bedroom ah girls?

First job was finding the perfect fabric. Something that fell beautifully, was sheer, but opaque enough and colour perfection. Of course my dear friends at The Fabric Store were beyond helpful and amazing and found perfection amongst their rolls of fabric.

Next, I needed to make the tie back.

Here is how I created mine.

ONE

YOU WILL NEED //

A brass swivel eye snap hook, Available at your local hardware store.

Cream cotton cord, I got mine from my local Emporium.

Scissors.

Needle and thread.

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METHOD //

Measure loosely around your bunched curtain, double that measurement and this is the length of your cord.

Next, pull the cord in half, with your two loose ends in the middle, loop the cord through the eye of the snap hook, using a cow hitch knot.

Finally, Take your two loose ends, overlap and stitch the needle through both. Loop around, stitch again, repeating until the ends are secure and won’t pull apart. At this point, if you don’t want thready ends, use a long length of clear tape and wrap it around the join.

And you’re done! Simple, cost effective and looks bloody grand, Tick, tick, tick.

Until next time, BlackbirdBLOG signature

HIM&HER // five

15.05.14

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Five years on, He is still the best person I know. I am beyond glad to have this guy by my side. He is the greatest.

We took a little adventure around the roads of Central Hawkes Bay and the Manawatu region. Stopping by every Op Shop, Curios and Second Hand dealer we could find. The sun shone and the ginger ale flowed. It was our kind of holiday. Maybe more so if I could’ve swapped some ginger ale for Naths cider, but I am not complaining…much.

In other news, the final countdown in commencing, with but THREE WEEKS until we hope to meet our Coco Darling . So it is battle stations here. Just casually setting up her little corner, washing clothes, making freezer meals and generally nesting up a very big storm.