One Month : Coco Darling

Today, one month after our Coco Darling’s birth I wanted to share a little with you. To share the little corner we made for our girl and to remember her. Below is a post that I wrote the day before we lost Coco, I sat at my computer writing and daydreaming about meeting my girl. And although I may not have seen her eyes open, I saw her, I met her, I felt her. I will never forget those moments. I will never forget that button nose. She was so beautiful and I fell even more in love  than I already was.

One month on dear est Coco Darling. 

And there isn’t a day that goes by without thinking about you, missing you and crying for you our girl. I still go to pat my tummy expecting you to be there. I have dreams that you are here still and that I can hold you again. I literally ache to hold you Coco. But your papa and I are okay, every day has its challenges  and some days the sun comes out , we smile and we talk about you. We love talking about you little one. 

Today we will plant a tree for you ( Thanks Jean and Dave ) we will vist your grave, we will look at photos of you, we will write letters to you, talk to you, smile again and cry again. We will miss you and we will be thankful for you. We love you so Coco Darling. Always will.

Your Mama and Papa x

( Written on the 27th of May 2014, the day before Coco Darling passed away )

Our Coco Darling is due any day now, and boy oh boy are there some mixed emotions. Excitement of meeting our girl, Of physically getting to hold her. But then the next second feeling the devastation and fear that we are so close to possibly losing her, that these could be our last days with Coco.

So we have made a cosy little corner for our babe. A place for her in the chance she will come home with us, even for a night.  There is a lot of love in Coco’s Corner,  gifts made and given from near and far, from family, from friends, and from people whom we have never met. We have once again been overwhemled by the kindness, generosity and love shown to us and to our Coco Darling, we thank you.

It has been somewhat of a therapeutic process for me to make things for my wee babe. At first it was pretty hard to face. It felt as though I would be putting more of my heart out there to be broken. That every time I made anything that it would gut me to the core. And although, in some ways it did (  a loooot of tears were shed in the making )  I started to realise that it wasn’t going to hurt any less if we didn’t make her anything, It wasn’t going to stop the sadness if we didnt create a special place for Coco Darling.  Just because she may not be around as long as other children we hope to have, doesn’t mean she should get anything less.

Every day is a battle between hope and reality. Every moment. But when we lie in bed and look over at her corner, when we feel her kick and wriggle what else can we do but hope?

So with my nesting in full swing, a freezer full of meals, a little nest ready for this baby bird and bags packed, we wait. It’s up to you now Coco Darling, we have made it this far babe, let’s have a little longer, we can’t wait to meet you.

Until next time,